How do you keep writing when your biggest fan is gone?
My grandma died, rather suddenly, a few weeks ago. She was the first and most faithful reader of this blog. Last winter she talked about wanting to help edit the content into a book. She said she had it all outlined and organized in her mind already. Can you see where I got my love of writing?
When I tell my friends and Neil’s family about my grandma’s passing, they’ve said things like, “She was a very special lady” and “I really liked her.” Those close to her knew her faults, too, but she was truly impressive. People tend to brag about the deceased, but I bragged about her while she was still alive, including the post My Financial Heritage: A Mother’s Day Reflection, that I’m so glad I posted when I did.
The short story is that she had many jobs before having three children, then became a special education teacher for children with severe emotional/behavioral difficulties, fostered 17 children, and in retirement became a guardian ad litem, a child’s voice in court. She garnered awards in all her endeavors.
She was also an avid quilter, scrap-booker, reader, and Wizard of Oz afficianado. Her name was Dorothe.
Her financial personality? Spender. She’s the ultimate example of a great person who was not great with money. Fortunately her late husband, a banker, was.
She never gave me money advice, and, in response to my blog, said she wished she’d learned these things sooner. But she did pass on two personal finance lessons:
- If you find a sweater you like that fits well, buy it in every color. (Somehow I never latched onto this.)
- Live generously.
My grandma was extravagantly generous. Generous to a fault. And while her children may literally be faulting her for this as they deal with the messy aftermath of her finances, her generosity remains a powerful example to her naturally stingy first grandchild (that’d be me).
Even in my giving, I want efficiency to rule. I want to give to the most effective, efficient organizations only, and tend not to be very generous to fellow Americans who already have what they need (read: my friends and family). My grandma saw the value of both. And I’m trying to learn to be spontaneously generous to the people around me as I reflect on her habits.
She didn’t leave an inheritance, but she left a legacy. She changed my life far beyond impacting my very existence. She passed her faith on to me and that has transformed me from a sad, stingy person into a joyful, generous one. An invaluable impact.
In essence she spent any inheritance on us while she was alive, and it brought her great joy. It came in the form of frilly dresses and too many toys at Christmas when I was a kid. And in adulthood, it was kitchen gadgets, multi-level-marketing company products, and college fund contributions for my kids. And while I’d only recommend the latter as a solid use of money, my frugal soul has benefited more from these extravagances than it could have from any size inheritance.
Of course, it isn’t an either-or between leading a great life and being good with money. We should all think about leaving our finances in order for our families, whether we want to leave an inheritance or not. There are many good resources available that explain how to manage your assets, what documents to create, and how to organize them for your family. One such resource is found at the end of Dave Ramsey’s The Legacy Journey.
Leave a legacy. Plan for your funeral–not just financially, but relationally and spiritually. “Tell them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life” (1 Timothy 6:18, 19).
What are your thoughts on leaving an inheritance and leaving a legacy?
I went on a mini-vacation the other day. First, I read the Bible in peace and quiet. Then I did Pilates without anyone trying to jump on or crawl under me. Next I took a long, uninterrupted shower. Then I wrote a blog post about our new minivan. Finally, I read a little bit of a book. It was crazy.
This ideal morning cost me approximately $10 and it’s up there as the best $10 I’ve ever spent. Not only was my morning serene, my afternoon was also pleasant because my kid came back from preschool excited and happy.
I love paying for preschool! After volunteering as a preschool teacher last year and bringing my preschooler along with me, I appreciate sending her off alone SOOO much.
For both my kids I waited until the year before kindergarten to send them to preschool. This means about five long years at home full-time with these people before sending them off for a short, precious 7.5 hours a week. I love being able to stay home with my kids and count myself very blessed and privileged to do so. But it is not for the faint of heart.
While some states offer free public preschool, it’s only free here if your child qualifies for certain developmental delays or disabilities. One more reason I’m grateful to be paying for preschool. Thankfully, preschool is highly affordable in our area, around $100-125/month for three days a week at many schools.
I know some people are into “homeschool” preschool, which I think means you teach your kids numbers, letters, shapes, and colors, and get together with other preschool-aged kids. Which is pretty much life with a little person whether you have a special name for it or not. I get not wanting to pay someone to do things you can do yourself, but there’s a lot more to preschool than numbers, letters, or even socialization. For one, they learn how to be part of a classroom.
I know a deal when I see one, and preschool is a hot deal. You can’t get a babysitter for that price, let alone a babysitter who will teach your kid, owns tons of fun toys, stages a massive play date every day, tires them out, and gives them a snack.
I know the novelty will wear and we’ll have mornings she doesn’t want to get out of bed for school. And my luck with the baby napping at the same time will be hit or miss. We’ve already had days where she comes home complaining that the toy kitchen wasn’t “open” for play (the horror!) or they didn’t go outside to the playground.
And of course, I don’t just lounge around doing whatever I feel like every time she goes to preschool. But I’m also enjoying those moments of free time very much!
If you can afford it, I highly recommend sending your kid to preschool for at least one year. It’s amazing.
What do you think about paying for preschool?
It’s been busy, busy, busy on the burbstead. Neil replaced the timing belt & radiator on our new minivan, DIYed a complete bathroom remodel, and replaced two of our hallway doors, with two more to go. He’s also done a many-step process to re-grass our back yard after years of leaving it untreated for the chickens. In addition he’s replaced his car’s muffler and has been sprucing up the station wagon in order to sell it. We canned our delicious cowboy candy (sweet-hot jalapenos) and made lots of garden salsa. And as always, there’s plenty more on the to-do list.
All but the bathroom was done since he returned to work after the baby-batical. All while maintaining his volunteer ministry schedule and raising three kids. Yes, he’s amazing.
But I started feeling that life was getting too frantic.
Whether it’s big-time savings of DIY car and house repairs, or the little every day habits that add up, frugality costs time and effort. The opportunity cost of paying $1300 may be what $1300 makes in the stock market over 30 years. But the opportunity cost of saving $1300 is the time you could have spent otherwise.
Is the answer to give up frugal living and start outsourcing everything? May it never be! We not only like saving money, we also like learning new skills, accomplishing new challenges, and modeling thrift and hard work for our children. But we are learning to how to juggle many balls in new ways now that we have three kids. Here’s how we’re trying to handle the hidden costs of frugality:
- Prioritize. I started resenting my superhero husband for all that time spent under the hood of the car, saving us money, while I rocked a baby in a dark room for a little longer than my sanity could stand. I didn’t want to sound ungrateful or critical. And in my pride, I didn’t want to sound like I needed his help, either. But I finally admitted it and since then we’ve worked together to list and prioritize projects on the burbstead.
- Pace yourself. Along with priorities comes a sense that all is not urgent. While it might be uber-productive to squeeze in an oil change right before putting the kids to bed, it’s not an emergency. Maybe there’s something else that is more important right then. And it might not be the type of thing you’d put on a to-do list. For example, we’ve been prioritizing dates with the big kids now that they’re both in school and sharing our attention with more siblings.
- Pay for convenience (sometimes). We are learning when it makes sense to outsource. We’ve done very little of this since becoming home-owners (or car-owners). But sometimes it’s just not worth the opportunity cost–that time, effort, or sanity. The day before our baby was born, Neil paid for a haircut rather than asking 9-month pregnant me to grind out another task. Thank you! That week also saw the purchase of take-out pizza. Thank you again! On a bigger scale, Neil’s decided to pay someone to paint the new doors once they’re all installed. He did one himself and didn’t like the process or the finished product. And we’re considering paying a lawn care company to treat our front year so that we don’t end up with the same situation we did in the back.
- Plan ahead. In addition to talking through the priorities of various tasks, we’ve also talked about timing/pacing them in a sane manner. It really helps to discuss this before or near the beginning of the weekend, otherwise we run around simultaneously stressed and unfocused, desperately wanting to be productive but unsure what exactly we’re trying to accomplish. And I like knowing what to expect, when possible. These little “schedule meetings” help us support rather than resent one another as we work on our respective projects. Okay, my project is mainly keeping the kids alive. But if I know Neil needs to work on something not kid-friendly, I can plan to keep them out of his hair during that time.
- Press pause. Sometimes you have to power through. For example, Neil couldn’t exactly leave the water off to work on the bathroom for too long. But other times it’s okay to press pause. Know when you’ve come to a good stopping point and then–stop! You’ll accomplish more later if you take time to relate and rest.
- It won’t be perfect. Even though I love the idea of “balance,” I know it will always elude us. We’ll inevitably over-do it sometimes, whether it’s with the social calendar or the honey-do list. Instead of blaming each other or ourselves for these imbalances, we can simply expect them.
All of this adds up to lots of communication. I’m sure that, too, will wax and wane as we learn to manage the hidden cost of frugality–time. Because we certainly don’t want the hidden cost to turn into anything more, like our sanity or our relationships.
How do you decide when to in-source vs. outsource? What other ways do you use to manage your time?
Is it just me, or do people seem to either love or hate minivans? I’ve never been rabidly anti-minivan, but I’ve never longed for one, either. I just really love our station wagon, tape player and all. But the time was drawing near. Our station wagon only seats three children, meaning we’re maxed out. Having the option to drive the kids’ friends along with us sometimes is important to us. And weaving the baby car seat over a booster seat is not exactly easy.
However, we didn’t see these limitations as reason to rush out and buy a minivan the moment we had a positive pregnancy test, or a live infant for that matter. An inconvenient car seat situation hardly constitutes an emergency.
Neil started researching and looking at ads for minivans during his baby-batical, in part because he had more time for this type of thing than usual. We concluded that, while we didn’t need a larger vehicle right away, we’d like to get one within the year, when it would become even more inconvenient to fish the baby in and out of the car. Also, that would mean we’d be able to take the kids’ friends places by next summer.
The options for third row seating these days are: giant, expensive SUV; full-size van; or minivan. Not surprisingly, pricey SUV was never on the table for us. And despite having learned to drive on a Club Wagon, I’m afraid of how many mailboxes I’d hit in a full-size van, not to mention the abysmal gas mileage. Minivan it is.
But who cares how we became minivan converts? What you need to know is how to shop for a car, minivan or otherwise. The whole process is fraught with pitfalls and surrounded by myths. We concede there’s more than one sane way to buy a car, but naturally, we highly recommend our way 🙂
“What type of car payment are you used to?” a friend asked when chatting about being in the market for a van. Clearly not a reader of the blog 🙂
None, my friend. None. Never had one, never want one. Neil’s last car cost $200. The one before that was $750. Check out a car post written by him: “How I Spent Less Than $8000 on Cars in 17 Years of Commuting.”
What about reliability? We do spend more on the family vehicle (which goes on my car spending tally, which was not much more than Neil’s). Our budget for the van was somewhere around $6000. Of course we’d already saved for our next car in our Car Fund. I highly recommend that, rather than paying interest on a monthly car payment, everyone set aside money in a Car Fund until you have enough to buy your next vehicle outright. Rinse and repeat and you’ll never need a car payment.
Neil approached the van purchase with his usual analytical research. He bought a month of online Consumer Reports and read their reviews. He read online about common problems with the different brands. He test drove a Toyota and a Kia for a side-by-side comparison. The Toyota Sienna was the clear winner on all fronts so he narrowed his search to those. And although he didn’t put much weight on anecdotes, all my Sienna-driving mom friends sang its praises.
Neil’s ideal scenario for buying a van was to skiplag somewhere south on a weekend, buy a rust-free van, and drive it back. Our station wagon was purchased from a small private dealer who sells cars from the south, and Neil has always dreamed of doing this himself rather than paying someone else to. Big surprise, right?
But he found that the private sellers he was contacting weren’t getting back to him, and who wants to fly somewhere only to have a seller flake out? Our weekends can also be pretty packed, making it too much to pull off right now.
He started searching Facebook and Craigslist, but in the end he got this car the same way he bought two other cars: through work connections. He works, as most do, with people who upgrade their cars fairly frequently. So he put the word out that he was looking for a minivan and would pay trade-in value or higher. Soon enough, someone was looking to trade in their 2006 Toyota Sienna with 130,000 miles. Perfect! While many people are scared of cars with that kind of mileage, we think that’s around the sweet spot for buying a car–depreciation rapidly drops off around this point and some major scheduled maintenance has already been done.
Only in this case, the timing belt needed to be done. It was 40,000 miles past due! We were prepared to pay someone to do the job. But after Neil watched some YouTube videos, read about the job for that year and model, and consulted a mechanic friend, he decided to do the work himself. We purchased the van at trade in value for $3500. Typically a similar van would be listed privately around $6000. He spent around $500 on parts since he also ended up replacing the radiator. He estimates the work would have cost $1800 at a mechanic. A timing belt job is not for the faint of heart; there were some hairy moments, but overall he seemed to enjoy the challenge.
Even if we’d paid someone to fix the van it would still be a fair value. We were prepared to spend that much. But with Neil taking the leap to do a tricky major repair himself, we’ve got ourselves a decent deal. We’ll see how it does for us. But it runs smoothly and is by far the most luxurious vehicle we’ve ever owned.
I’ll admit not everything about our approach this time is reproducible. Maybe you don’t have wide connections to spendy coworkers. Maybe you don’t have a lot of experience working on cars and the necessary tools. But here’s what everyone can try to do:
- Don’t rush out and buy the car you need a year–or two or three–from now. Be patient.
- Save for your next vehicle in a designated account that you don’t touch otherwise.
- Buy used, preferably past the 100,000 miles to minimize depreciation.
- Do your research. Check out consumer reports and other online reviews.
- Put out the word that you’ll pay trade-in value or more when people you are know are upgrading.
What’s your approach to buying cars? Have you ever done a major job on a car?
One of the challenges of having a young infant is that once you get them to sleep, you have no idea how long they are going to stay asleep. For uptight types like me this is basically torture. Although I’m trying to roll with it as much as possible, one strategy that helps me is not to get started on ambitious projects that I’ll be frustrated if I can’t finish.
Like writing a blog post. lol
But one day last week, I tricked myself into completing a small project of sorts. Baby was sleeping. I was making tacos. And we had soooo many garden tomatoes. So I decided to cut up one or two tomatoes for a topping. Then I realized, we have all the ingredients for salsa. Now if I set out to make salsa, I would feel completely overwhelmed. So much chopping, and that baby will wake up any minute and I won’t actually have salsa to show for it.
So I told myself, just chop some cilantro for another topping.
Baby kept sleeping. Okay, just cut an onion. Also a topping.
Baby still snoozing. I’ll just cut a couple more tomatoes. I can always ask Neil to do the jalapeno when he gets home. And then I realized, I don’t have to get through this whole colander of tomatoes. I’ll just make as much salsa as I can, even if it’s barely any. One tomato at a time. Because some salsa is better than no salsa.
And miraculously, that baby slept right on through the making of a sizeable bowl of salsa. One tomato at a time. I even got to the jalapenos.
While I was chopping away I thought, sometimes money is like this. You just have to take it one tomato at a time. I can’t tell you how many times someone has explained to me why they can’t save more, or spend less, because they can’t do it all the time. Sometimes consistency is crucial to improving your financial situation. Investing $100 once isn’t really going to get you anywhere. But if you never try to make progress because you’re afraid you’ll lapse at times, that isn’t going to get your anywhere either.
Why not just take it one tomato at a time? What’s your tomato? It could be a money-saving measure, saving toward a goal, investing, or paying off loans.
For example, it may be forming a money-saving habit like making a menu and grocery list before shopping. Just do it once. Maybe the savings will help motivate you to do it next time. Even if you only make a menu or list half the time, you’ll save more than if you never made one. Same goes for hundreds of thrifty strategies. And for bigger-picture things like saving or paying off debt. Just because you can’t contribute extra every month doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it when you can. Does writing a will overwhelm you? Just make the first phone call.
Are there projects you shouldn’t approach this way? Sure. Take our recent bathroom remodel: we couldn’t just leave the plumbing half finished or the floor torn out for long. But many other tasks–like cleaning that bathroom–can be done in increments when needed. And many financial goals are finished incrementally, too. Whatever it is for you, just take the next step and see what happens.
What financial step do you find overwhelming or intimidating? Have you ever broken down a goal into little steps?
I’ve written about how having kids improved our finances–and it did. We’ve always been frugal,but since the birth of our first child we really got our financial act together: we paid off student loans, wrote a will, got smarter life insurance policies, and got more aggressive about investing. We also have less time for costly habits like recreational shopping or eating at restaurants.
More recently, I’ve mentioned how our spending on things like groceries, clothes, gifts, sports and activities, and babysitters has increased as they’ve grown older. Not to mention saving for college!
I find it absolutely comical that bloggers conceive their first child and start writing about how babies don’t really cost that much. First of all, these people must have stellar health insurance. Because we are blessed to have good insurance and it still cost us a pretty penny–around $3000 just for our most recent bundle of joy.
I think what these well-meaning writers mean to say is: you don’t have to spend as much as you think to get started having a kid. Buy secondhand. Get hand-me-downs. Don’t go overboard with the gadgets. Of course.
But babies get bigger, hopefully. They start eating as much as you. They wear through shoes like they’re tissues. They might stop getting hand-me-downs. They want to play sports. They start wanting Legos.
All that’s to be expected. What I didn’t quite expect is how my overall attitude toward money has shifted. I used to think of money as something to be optimized for most efficient use. Now I think of it more as a tool to be used in different ways, depending on the circumstances. I suppose this is the result both of our increasing financial flexibility, and our increasing family size.
For example, the price I’m willing to pay for convenience has sky-rocketed. Perhaps it’s because we just welcomed a third little human into our family, but I have been more willing to shell out for things that will make my life easier. Things like a non-stick pan. And more silverware. And store-bought yogurt. And whatever shorts at Target will fit my postpartum waistline. Because I don’t have time to hand-wash extra dishes, make everything from scratch, and mine the thrift store for presentable pants.
While I don’t believe in conveniencing myself to death, I do find that sometimes, it’s wonderful to have just the right tool for the job. In the garage, in the kitchen, or in your wardrobe. For example, we’ve tried to grind cardamom pods (for chai) in every way imaginable, but when we finally gave in and bought the spice grinder, it works like a charm. I’m starting to learn my lesson and just buy the things we really want rather than waiting a year. And while it feels a bit spendy, I don’t regret buying things that make our lives way easier and preserve precious time.
On the continuum from frugal to frivolous, our spending is still on the thrifty side. But we’ve slid a bit on the spectrum, and I’m glad. It’s nice feel free to use the tool of money as needed in the moment, and not carry the weight of how much the cost of that spice grinder, or hospital bill, could have compounded over the next thirty years into every decision.
At the end of the day, I’m just trying to make it to the end of the day! While my attitude will surely change as I emerge from having an infant, I don’t think we’ll ever find ourselves as far down the frugality spectrum again. Optimal efficiency and frugality have gone by the wayside as other values take a higher place: making time for our kids and keeping our household running sufficiently, all while continuing to serve outside our family as well.
Where do you fall on the frugal-to-spendy spectrum, and how has that changed over time?
Last summer was jam-packed with adventures: within a month, we camped in Michigan, took a steam ferry to Green Bay, and soon after camped at Mammoth Caves and viewed the solar eclipse in totality. Shortly thereafter Neil headed to India, and the kids and I went camping again. Whew!
This summer we’re taking a completely different approach to adventures. The beginning of summer saw me trying to survive the ninth month of pregnancy with two kids out of school, trying to pack in summer fun at the lake and visiting friends as much as possible, all while Neil did a complete DIY bathroom remodel. After our baby girl came, Neil started his month-long “baby-batical”. In other words, he took all his vacation time plus his week of paternity leave and is keeping the big kids busy.
How did he pull it off? He talked to his boss, then repeated “I won’t be in in July” like a mantra to make sure expectations were clear.
His plan? Help with the baby of course, but also keep the big kids busy and enjoy summer. The day we came home from the hospital, he printed off a blank July calendar and start penciling in activities from the list he’d started beforehand.
Let me just tell you, this arrangement is the way to have a baby! I’m getting spoiled, taking naps, reading books!, and even writing this blog post! And actually keeping up on basic household tasks since he’s taking care of big kid childcare and grocery shopping. Baby is also enjoying lots of undivided attention and snuggles from mom.
And of course the big kids (and Neil) are having the best summer ever. In addition to visits from family and friends, they’ve enjoyed a Fourth of July parade, party, fireworks, and going to the fireworks store; weekly kids’ movies at a local theater; lots of time at the lake with their friends; lots of creeking; pool parties, play dates, sleepovers, epic bike rides, and baseball games. They’ve also gone on a train ride and pontoon boat; went to a water park, an amusement park, the county fair, and a trampoline park; and visited an old growth forest, one of the Great Lakes, a science center, and went camping. And read The Goblet of Fire and went to a Harry Potter festival.
How much is all this entertainment costing? You know us. If there’s a cheaper way to do something, we’ll find it. We agreed ahead of time that we were willing to spend on more kids’ activities this summer since we weren’t taking a vacation. (Although having a baby costs more than a vacation!) However, there are so many free and cheap kids activities, we haven’t spent much yet.
Neil found a movie theater offering $1 kids movies once a week in the summer (they are not new releases). We got our lake passes this year as a Christmas gift. The train ride is $5 instead of $25 if you ride your bike one way. Baseball game tickets for the local AA team are about $5. And a friend generously offered discounted passes to the local water park. Our reciprocal museum pass ($58 per year) got us into the science center, which would have run close to that much for one visit!
The kids have also collected lots of free, half-price, or BOGO coupons from the library reading program and the week-long Vacation Bible Camp they attended, for both activities and restaurant meals.
Neil also put most of the finishing touches on the bathroom while the kids were at a sleepover with their friends. Pics forthcoming. And starting looking for a mini van–more on that soon!
Taking this month off has been perhaps the best way we’ve ever flexed our financial flexibility. Even though it didn’t end up costing us in terms of income, it was a successful foray into taking a big chunk of time off work. That in itself requires some flexibility. And it’s confirmed that it could be worth forgoing a couple weeks’ pay in the future. After all, we value family time, adventure, and travel highly. And who doesn’t feel a bit bereft upon taking their first real job and realizing you’re facing thirty or forty years without childhood’s glorious three-month summer break?
What do you think of the idea of taking a month off each year? What would you do with the time?
Our tie-breaker baby showed up on her due date and girls now outnumber the boys! Of course we are absolutely in love.
Although I was getting antsy for her arrival once we had a working toilet, everything worked out so perfectly. Just the night before she was born, Neil made more progress on the DIY bathroom project and cleared many of the tools out of the bathroom, our bedroom, and the kitchen counter. The vanity drawers and doors went on, and fixtures including shower head and tub faucets were installed. And probably lots more details that I’m unaware of.
I woke up feeling completely normal the next day, hung out at a friends’ house with the kids, and was planning to go to the library for an event my sister-in-law got us tickets too. We were going to go straight there but my daughter soaked her dress playing outside, so we decided to stop home first. As soon as we got there I had a couple early labor symptoms that could mean labor was hours or days away.
I didn’t think this was reason to stay home from the library–it takes a lot to keep me away from the place–but right then my daughter somehow fell down the stairs into the basement (it’s only 6 stairs) holding a full, open canister of peanuts. By the time I comforted her and we cleaned up, we didn’t have time to go to the library.
A little over two hours later I was making dinner and started having contractions. Now, I had experienced weeks of on-and-off early labor contractions, sometimes called prodromal or (inaccurately) “false” labor, which are more intense than the usual pregnancy “practice” contractions, but not as painful like active labor. I had them for up to three hours at a time, and then they would just fizzle out. Considering my first two labors were shorter than average, I was a little nervous that this would make it hard to know when it was the real thing.
But these were different. Not get-me-to-the-hospital-right-now painful, but felt more like I was approaching active labor. I decided to keep cooking because I knew this could go on a while, and they were still five minutes apart. So I can now say I’ve cooked Indian food while in labor. (Neil was grilling the meat.)
After half an hour, we agreed it was time to call Neil’s mom to come be with the kids. As with my last labor, I decided it was not a good idea to eat Indian food, so I stuck with plain rice. I guess turning down Indian food is another sign of labor for me!
It was a little after 5 and she had to come through a congested traffic area on her way to our house. I had two big fears about delivery during the last month: that I would not make it to the hospital in time, or that I would not go into labor on my own and have to be induced at 42 weeks. As we waited for her, I wondered if we called too soon. Obviously we didn’t have to go to the hospital immediately but I didn’t really want to labor with an audience. The kids kept asking if I was okay, so I decided to go in the basement and wait there.
After a few minutes I had a very intense contraction and thought, if they keep up like this I’m going into transition. We need to leave! I told Neil and he called over a friend who was there in minutes and we left. Neil’s mom got there 5 minutes later.
Fortunately we did not hit traffic on the way (we don’t live in a high traffic area, but it was rush hour). And fortunately the contractions were not as intense as that rogue one had been. We got to the hospital around 6:20, got through registration and triage, and were admitted into an L&D room around 7. The nurses and midwife all acted like it was probably going to go fast and they were right. She was born less than 40 minutes later.
I have so much to be grateful for–so much that I do not deserve. I got there in plenty of time, while still having a short and uncomplicated labor. She is very healthy, something I don’t take for granted after a scare surrounding her 20-week anatomy scan. Neil has the month off and has been a huge help both the with baby and the big kids. The kids are in love with her. And the bathroom is totally functional. Neil’s friends came and cleared the tools out of her room, installed the handle on the bathroom door, and mowed the lawn the morning we came home. And left tons of Thai take-out in the fridge. And we’ve had family and friends bring us dinner every night.
I did get a minor infection (mastitis) on the 4th of July and spent a lot of the day in bed with a fever, aches, and chills. It wasn’t fun, but I got into the doctor the next morning, got on antibiotics, and have been feeling fine since.
We’re enjoying our new daughter so much, and I keep thanking God for all the answered prayers and for such supportive and helpful friends and family.
What blessings can you count lately?
The toilet is in! Yay! Here’s what else happened this week.
We agreed on a color from a paint chip. After many rounds of mudding and sanding, the walls were finally ready to be painted. After the first coat, Neil was very disappointed. The light gray we’d picked out appeared light purple on the walls. “I don’t want a purple bathroom,” Neil concluded, and got a paint sample from the Sherwin-Williams sale. Painted sample onto the wall and we both agreed that’s what we were going for. Bought gallon of paint, cut in the bathroom, it dried, and it looked purple again! Realized they’d given us the wrong number of the sample color—not what he’d asked for—but he didn’t notice this. Who would? So when he went for the gallon of that number, he got a different color. Back to paint store to beg for mercy, and they were able to tint the paint to the actual sample color. Back to cutting in and painting, again. I felt awful, as this was very frustrating and a waste of limited time for Neil, but we do like the color!
The next day, Neil glued the floor down. This seemed to go pretty smoothly after the tedious process of measuring, cutting, and get the floor ready to be installed. It looks great and is sooo updated compared with the wacky retro blue tile that was in there. Which I also kind of loved but was getting old and gross.
At some point during the project it became apparent that our home’s main water valve needed to be replaced. This requires scheduling with the city to have the water to the house turned off during normal office hours. As Neil realized how quickly my due date was approaching, along with the fact that both our other babies came about a week early, he decided to take a day off. So last week he replaced the main valve. On the same day, he did some work on the roof to prepare for a new ventilation fan.
He’d also realized earlier that week that the new vanity’s drawers were going to interfere with the sink plumbing. So he extended those pipes to one side. That afternoon, Neil enlisted the help of a neighbor to carry in the new vanity. I’m so excited to have drawers soon! Our old vanity had no drawers, just a half shelf half-way up. It was impossible to organize.
Neil cut in the holes in the vanity for the plumbing, and, with the valve fixed, plumbing moved, and vanity in, turned the water back on. The sink will be functioning again sometime soon.
That same day, a friend graciously offered to install the vent fan. Neil had spent some time on the roof earlier that day getting ready to do so. This was a huge help and we are so grateful! The old one was so gunked up there’s no way it was working effectively.
That night around 11:30 pm, the toilet was installed. Yay! No more waddling downstairs 20 times a day! Again, I’m so glad we have two bathrooms, but I really love having one on the main floor.
Neil’s brother came over and helped carry in the very heavy countertop. His brother got the countertop from a client who was remodeling. I think we paid $75 for it; it could have easily cost us $400+ since the vanity is 48 inches. It’s not what we would have picked, but it’s very good quality and in good condition. We weren’t sure how it would look with everything else until they got it into the bathroom, but it looks good with the other elements we (okay, mostly Neil) chose. Our daughter says the bathroom is looking “pretty pretty.”
Odds and Ends
If it sounds like there’s been huge progress this week, there has! It actually looks like a bathroom again, and has a functioning toilet. If it’s sounds like it’s about done, there are lots of odds and ends left. Like caulking, installing fixtures, painting, and replacing trim. Neil’s brother helped install the new door last night. In fact, Neil is planning to replace all the doors in that hallway—the bathroom and the three bedrooms. But we’ll see how soon he’s able to get to that.
I’m sure there are lots more details to complete that I don’t even know about. One detail I was keenly aware of was the ladder to the attic in the nursery, along with all the loose insulation that rained down in there. After the fan was installed, I asked Neil if he could replace the bag of insulation he’d saved so I could clean the closet. He did so promptly and although the nursery still has tons of tools in it and is far from clean, it’s a relief to the have the closet clean. My room is also getting crowded as it houses a shop vac, air compressor, paint cans, and the vanity drawers.
And baby is still patiently waiting for a cleaner bedroom, or functioning bathroom sink, or maybe finishing touches? Who knows. At this point, I’ve never been this pregnant. But it’s not my due date quite yet so I’m trying to be patient. It’s so weird to think about something so much, and at the same time, it doesn’t feel real that we’re about to have three kids. Wish us the best! Hopefully you won’t hear from me next week.
What’s the next DIY project on your list?
Is starting a complete DIY bathroom remodel foolhardy when you’re third baby is due in 3 weeks? Probably. But life got away from us since we discovered loose tiles—and a leak and ruined subfloor—in the very outdated bathroom we were already talking about updating.
Here’s how it’s gone so far.
Neil spent three evenings after work on demo. The idea to work on it after the kids went to bed quickly proved difficult, as the demo (and some of the construction) was way too loud. Their bedroom is right across the hall. Solution? See how far he can get before they get tired, keep them up late because it’s summer, and one night they slept in our downstairs guest room.
During this time the nursery, which was finally clean and ready to go, became the storage place for the toilet and tools. The attic access is also through the baby room closet, so that space is now full of loose insulation. No complaints, though. I want a new bathroom! If the room isn’t accessible before baby comes, I’ll grab the pack n play and stick it in our room. Seven-pound people just don’t need that much space.
The first weekend after demo, Neil put in 2 very looong days wrangling the plumbing and installing the new bathtub and shower. The water was off all day Saturday—he turned it back on at 10:30 pm and that was with a temporary fix to keep pipes from leaking just for the evening. I was filling up water jugs like a maniac because I drink at least a gallon and a half a day at this point.
One downside—if you can call it that—of having such a handy husband is that I have developed absolutely no skills in the DIY area. I’m not even allowed to paint, because I suck at it. I can find things and clean up so I tried to help in that area. But it’s pretty pathetic and even comical trying to do much of anything when you’re nine months pregnant.
The following week saw him installing the subfloor and drywall where it’d been cut for the shower and fixtures, and lots of mudding, sanding, mudding, and sanding. Then lots of priming and painting. We’ve had the A/C on way more than usual trying to dry out mud and paint as quickly as possible. But the bathroom has no windows in or near it and the fumes were getting to be too much, so we had to turn off the A/C and open the windows on a 94 degree afternoon.
The floor—vinyl tile—is going in as write this (at 10 p.m.). Once that’s done, the toilet is next! I’ve never been so excited about a toilet in my life. There’s still a lot more to do; I’m not hoping for finishing touches before the baby comes, but a toilet would be lovely.
I’m very grateful that we have another bathroom in the basement, including a shower. I’m also grateful for the expertise of Neil’s brother, and the helping hands of several friends. And while the ninth month of pregnancy wasn’t an ideal time to start this project, there are perks. I’m enjoying more A/C than I’d indulge myself in otherwise. School being out affords more flexibility in our morning and evening schedules, which is helpful when we’re down to one bathroom and sometimes dealing with late-evening noise. And the progress Neil has made is significant—it’s that much to do after the baby is here. Lastly, the bathroom is a nice distraction from “waiting for baby.” As I get more uncomfortable in the final weeks, I’d probably feel more antsy to get this kid out if I had a functional bathroom (and clean nursery) upstairs.
What DIY projects has your family attempted? What have been the ups and downs for you?