Full House: Should We Buy a House With Our Friends?
So we’ve schemed up a very unconventional idea for saving money on a top expense. We are considering buying a home with our friends. Two families, one big house, one mortgage. No, we’re not swingers or sister wives. And yes, I watched too much Full House as a child.
Just think about all the potential for savings. Right now we both pay separately for property taxes, home owner’s insurance, trash service, a sewer bill, and Internet. Plus service fees and minimum charges for water, electric, and gas, and I’m sure our usage would be less than double if we were under one roof. Think about all the trappings of owning a home. Why own two lawnmowers and maintain two lawns? Two snow-blowers for two driveways? Two sets of tools, ladders, air compressors, and all the other junk in our garage? Two full refrigerators, ranges, and other kitchen appliances? Two sets of toys and baby gear (we already pass kids’ clothes back and forth every season). We’d probably both like to have swingsets in the backyard, but what if we could split the cost (and labor)? What if one person did all the grocery shopping or cooking while the other watched the kids? The possibilities are nearly endless! We wouldn’t be able to cut everything in half but we could certainly get by with a lot less Stuff, Stuff Getting, and Stuff Maintenance than we currently do. Even if the savings were only 25% off our current living expenses, that would equal well over $20,000 per year between the two families. I can’t imagine this scenario not making us more financially flexible, assuming we arrange the financial details properly.
Who are these people?
We have plenty of history with the family we’re scheming and dreaming with. The husband has been Neil’s best friend since high school, and the wife and I became fast friends when Neil & I met, over 12 years ago. Living with your friends is considered a good way to not be friends anymore. However, we lived with this couple (and their baby) in their home for a year, before buying our house just 8 doors down from theirs. Before moving in with them, we also considered buying a duplex together. We would’ve outgrown it quickly and possibly had a hard time selling, so I’m glad we didn’t go that route. Five years after buying on their block, we’re still best friends, we have very similar life goals, our children are very close, and we see them just about every day.
Why live together?
With our homes so close already, why go to the trouble and risk of living together? The idea came up one day when our husbands were out of town together for a seminary class. I asked Diana what she was doing. “Going to the store and then making s’getti for dinner,” she said (this is what our kids call spaghetti). “Oh, we’re having s’getti, too,” I laughed. She probably invited us over for dinner; I don’t remember. But the inefficiency of running two separate households struck me at that moment. Running a home is a lot of work, and while running a bigger one wouldn’t be easy, I could see some efficiencies, savings opportunities, and other synergies:
- We could find a house big enough to suit our needs for less than our combined current mortgages.
- We could both become mortgage-free faster, thus increasing flexibility.
- Our property taxes, utility costs, and incidentals would be less than our combined current costs.
- We could share household tasks like shopping, cooking, cleaning, lawn care, home maintenance, babysitting, etc.
- We could pool resources. From possessions to talent and time, we could share more, sell excess stuff, and hopefully create a synergy of complementing each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
- We could host more people in the larger living rooms that big houses tend to have.
- We could host more frequently, creating an open house feel that we’ve both always wanted.
- We could stop cutting off our conversations and our kids’ play to go home.
- We could support one another more in our personal lives, raising children, and ministry endeavors. While many people wouldn’t want another couple closely involved in their marriage or parenting, we trust them and value their input. After all, we don’t claim to know what we’re doing in those areas. Regarding ministry, we are both serving in leadership roles in our church and spend a significant amount of time teaching Bible studies, leading home churches and small groups, discipling friends, getting training, and generally trying to help people. We think we could support one another with these pursuits more effectively if we all lived together.
- It would be fun!
To be honest, the priorities are probably approximately inverted from this list, but since this is a financial flexibility blog, those reasons took the lead. The idea re-surfaced recently when Neil noticed a crazy-big, not-expensive house on the market nearby. The place needs too much work and seems hard to re-sell, but it got us talking about the idea more seriously. We haven’t thought of a good enough reason not to look into it further. At this time, that just means looking at houses that might fit our needs & are in our price range. It’s definitely not about getting a nicer home, but with 2 families and a total of 9 people, we’d need a bigger place.
Our scheme also seems to make sense from a historical and global perspective. Often people live(d) with extended families, out of tradition but also for the financial stability and personal support it provides. Maybe we’ve found a modern-day approach to gaining similar advantages.
We’d love to hear your feedback. What would be your fears or concerns? Why don’t people do this? Why should we do it? Are we crazy?
18 Responses to “Full House: Should We Buy a House With Our Friends?”
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- - September 12, 2016
Fyi, there is a yellow house 2 houses down from us that has been trying to sell for a while and is cheap – Just saying! haha. It is very large, meant for a big family – even has a working 3rd story AND i know it has an amazing double oven haha. You should definitely live 2 houses down from us! 🙂 Anyway, I don’t think your idea is crazy – would probably be edifying and also very loud all the time 🙂
Thanks for the tip. It would be awesome to live by you!
I’m nowhere near house-buying age, but when I decide to grow up, this sounds like a lot of fun! I also was a Full House fanatic as a child. The idea of merging families – especially from the same church – would be so encouraging. I was actually just thinking the other day that leaving NeoXenos’ ministry apartments someday to start a family sounds, well, lonely. Having other family support would be real cool, though. Thanks for sharing the blog!!
I think we would’ve been more lonely if we didn’t live very close by to friends since getting married. Our apartment was in a complex with other couples we knew, then we lived with our friends, then bought a house on their street. But maybe we’ll take it to the next level and share a home again.
I don’t think you’re crazy. We and the Morschers have joked about doing that for years. Our glitch was that Ted’s mother needed to live with someone who would help her out. Her health was failing, and she had no one else to turn to. As it turned out, I believe her life was prolonged and enriched because she lived in with us. Not to mention that our girls got to know their grandma. Ted and I both had/have parents 40 yrs older than us, so their need to move in was always in the realm of possibilities.
It’s a great idea in theory, and fantastic if you can actually do it.
I always admired you for taking care of your mother-in-law. That was a great way to honor her.
That is so cool Kalie. I keep telling my old people friends that we should start an old persons, no kids allowed ministry house!!
Sounds fun! Maybe we’ll start a trend.
The Hunter’s and Hemp’s have talked about house sharing when the kids are all moved out, it seems silly not to!
Do it!
I think that this sounds like an awesome living arrangement! I loved when we had friends living with us and now that we’re parents I appreciate the idea of extra hands and extra playmates.
My concerns would be about the “exit plan”. If one family wanted to move away, how would that work?
We’d have to work out the details for some kind of “buy out plan.” We wouldn’t take a large mortgage so that would keep it more flexible if someone wanted out. Definitely a valid possibility we’d have to plan for.
Be careful with that! You can easily ruin your friendship. Each family needs some privacy. Also you can have some mortgage and maintenance costs complications. Renting together is one thing but owning a big house together does not look like a good thing for me. It mixes both families’ finances in a dangerous way. If you want to cut your spending on maintenance consider moving into a smaller house or even in an apartment.
To be honest I’m surprised you’re the first to raise these concerns! All valid points to consider in the decision. We would look for some private living areas for sure.
I could never do it- too many things could go wrong. Then again, your situation might be entirely different. It seems like some people and personality types would be able to make it work better than others. Personally, I don’t want to argue with anyone over where to set the thermostat!
I’m sure your feelings are exactly why most people don’t do this!
Well, I’m an only child and a curmudgeon. So what you’re proposing fills me with an indescribable horror. But clearly you’re very different from me.
What is annoying is that there’s no real way to test the waters. If you went in on a rental for 6 months, you’d have to rent out your houses and that’s a huge pain.
I just know that a lot of people click really well together right up until it’s all the same space. If you honestly think your values align — including mess and noise tolerance — then I guess go for it.
One point, I’d make sure you have clearance to blog about them in your lives, so that no hurt feelings come up later. Some people mind more than others.