Last year I wrote about how as a society we seem to be “Conveniencing Ourselves to Death” with everything from Keurigs to brand-new cars. My call was not to forsake all convenience, but to choose to consciously draw a line on what we are willing to pay (financially and otherwise) for convenience.
My line has moved.
I recently discovered several amazing modern conveniences: yogurt cups, frozen pizzas, the electric clothes dryer, and Walmart grocery pick up.
There was a day when I marveled at how exorbitantly expensive and eco-unfriendly things like yogurt cups and using the dryer were. I’d make my own yogurt for the cost of milk, or at least buy the big container and scoop it into portions. Now I can’t stand the thought of more cooking or dishes, and we are living the high life shelling out for yogurt cups.
There was also a time when I couldn’t handle the thought paying anything higher than ALDI prices. Now I break out in a sweat of both exertion and embarrassment as I spend what feels like an eternity clumsily trying to speed-bag a cart brimming with food, with 2+ kids in tow. Walmart, I will give you all my money if you put those yogurt cups and frozen pizzas straight into my mini-van, thank you very much! (Although I still go to ALDI to stock up on certain favorites.)
And forget pretending to be warm. We upped the thermostat to 67 degrees this winter and I didn’t have to layer myself in wool and long-underwear and still feel frigid all winter.
Not to mention we went from spending nothing on childcare for the first four years of parenting, to paying a babysitter weekly during our home church, and sometimes for dates as well.
Speaking of dates? I produce 3 meals a day, nearly every single day, for 5 people. That’s over 400 meals a month. Someone please take me out to a nice dinner once a month; I need a break! A break that’s better than frozen pizza!
Recently, when my sister needed a ride from the airport at 5 am on my other sister’s wedding day, I paypaled her for an Uber. Because I am at the point in my life where I will pay for sleep.
All this to say, the value of convenience has gone way up for me in the wake of having three kids, plus a lot else going on. While I tried finding my way back to frugal post-baby, what I really found was the value of my time and energy. I’m too busy and tired to be bagging countless pounds of groceries and hanging 5 loads of laundry per week.
I doubt the minutiae of my laundry and cooking life is of much interest to you, but here’s the takeaway: what frugal looks like depends on the season of life you’re in. And of course, how frugal you need to be.
This also means that it doesn’t make sense to compare yourself to the “extreme frugality” accounts you might read about. Frugality is not a competition. Don’t feel badly if you can’t keep up with the Frugals. That said, it’s still great to get ideas, motivation, and inspiration from one another. And if there’s no or little cost upfront, it usually doesn’t hurt to try out a thrifty strategy to see if it’s worth your while.
Lest you think we’ve completely abandoned “pretending,” tune in next week for my thoughts on the most bang-for-your-buck ways to stay frugal when life is busy!
How have your expenses changed over time? What is your favorite convenience item or service?
I don’t usually post stuff like this, but I just have to bargain brag about my recent thrift store haul. Because who doesn’t like to hear the story of a good deal? #poppin’tags
As spring finally made its way to the Great Lakes, I realized I couldn’t get dressed. I had mix-matched thrift store stuff and hand-me-downs that just couldn’t be worn together. Sure, I had a few go-to basics, but I was sick of wearing the same beige fleece every day. And I’m pretty sure my husband was, too. (Though he never said it and he wears a beige fleece all the time too!)
Whenever I did try to “dress cute” I ended up looking like I was going to church. (And we don’t even “go to church” or dress up for our Bible studies.) I’m not into trendy looks and have declaimed the Futility of Fashion here. I’ve had some requests for writing about capsule wardrobes as a frugality approach, but I am not the person you want to be taking fashion advice from. But there comes a time when I want to look like I’m from this decade and 2019 seemed like a good year to catch up.
In fact, I spent my childhood purposely trying to dress a different decade or even century. There were the prairie dresses (which apparently made a couture comeback over the winter), the plaid skirts, and the saddle shoes. I was regularly asked if I was Amish or Catholic, despite being a public-school-going Protestant.
Fast forward twenty years and I just want to look normal. But the nerd is baked in so hard I always come up with “teacher” or “Easter church-goer” when getting dressed. So for inspiration I googled what grown ups, particularly soccer moms, are supposed to wear.
Of course there’s a lot of ridiculousness out there, but through a little perusing I came up with a shopping list of items I thought would allow me to make many more outfits with my existing wardrobe. My list was: denim jacket, zip-down hoodie (how did I not own one of these!?!), open front flowy cardigan, twill utility jacket, and cute tee (in order of priority). I also wanted a cap since I have sun-sensitive skin and eyes. While not looking like a freak wearing my beach hat all over my not-beach town.
I knew the thrift store was just the place for these items. I also know my tendency to obsess about getting a certain thing once I get it in my mind. And I didn’t want clothes of all things to consume me. So I did something I’d never done before. I prayed before I went in the thrift store. I earnestly prayed that I could find some of the things I was looking for quickly, but also that I wouldn’t be consumed with thinking about clothing.
In one hour, while shopping a large thrift with a baby, I found every single thing on my list for a grand total of $28. In addition to what I was looking for, as I walked past the shoes, I found a great pair of high quality “mom” sandals, and a nice pair of “dressy” nude flip flops. Both very useful additions to my shoe collection.
Here’s a pic of my haul:
Details: Gap cardigan $4; Gap hoodie $5; Old Navy utility jacket $3; J. Crew denim jacket $9; Merrell sandals $4; Bebe flip flops $3; neutral cap $1.50. Plus a cute baby hand! Not pictured: cute tee $2, which I somehow already lost while on a retreat. (These are the prices before using a $5 off coupon.)
I wore the denim jacket on a date last night and it was a hit with the hubby. Weird because I’ve never worn one! I guess anything is better than a beige fleece. Note: I bought his jacket as his Christmas gift 16 years ago!
My best advice for thrifting is to find a good thrift shop, learn how their discounts or coupons work, and go with a list. It’s too overwhelming to look for a lot of different categories, but when I’m looking for a particular item I can usually find it. Also, know what categories are good to find at the thrift store, and what is better to go retail. I don’t have good luck with jeans there, and I prefer to buy athletic shoes new or like-new so they’ll last longer. Tees can also be hard to sift through since you can’t tell from the side whether graphics are on the front.
I’ll never be fashionable, but I feel like I can now put together “normal” enough looking outfits without much thought. I’ve had some great thrift store finds over the years but the efficiency and success of snagging so many items I wanted in such a short time, and for such great prices, was unprecedented. The Lord provides.
Now I’m dying to hear about your best thrift store finds, clothes or otherwise. And do any ladies have some frugal fashion tips for the rest of us? Do tell!
Last month we traveled to Florida and camped for a week. People I mentioned this to IRL were like “Tent camping?” Yes. “Do you drive there?” Yes. It’s a little crazy, but it was a beach vacation for a family of 5 during a peak time (spring break) and it came in at $1300. That’s more than we’ve ever spent, and an astonishing amount to spend on camping, I’ll admit. But that includes 10 days of minivan rental, 7 days of camp site fees, and all of our food, gas, camp supplies, and outings during the trip. We enjoyed outings like a daddy-daughter date; a boys’ overnight backpacking trip; a day trip to a teaching zoo; a bike parade; guys night out; and ladies night out. And as always, the beach, Bojangles, and ice cream.
Our baby absolutely loved camping! I think she took better naps in the tent than at home. She liked the beach, the swing on the playground, watching all the big kids, and just being outside. We definitely had to make more stops on the road trip and this slowed us down but overall she was pretty happy in the car. We called it one hour from our destination because she was way overtired and crying, and we would have to set up camp in the dark, and then get three kids to bed. I’m so glad we stopped. And so glad we always have Marriott points, accumulated from years of work travel, to use for free stays.
The big kids were so excited to play with their friends all day. So much that they were a little under-parented the first couple days. It was all we could do to shove sunscreen, water, and a sandwich at them in passing. Our son and his friends took up residence in the little dell next to the bathrooms, providing a convenient opportunity to check in every couple hours. They were swinging from vines, reading Bible stories, and who knows what else.
One highlight of the trip was that Neil took our son on his first overnight backpacking trip. Neil’s brother went, too. For the past 6 or so years, Neil has rounded up a group of friends to backpack with during one night of our trip. Someone dubbed this “campception”—a camping trip within a camping trip. He’s always wanted to take our son, and at the ripe age of 7, he was deemed old enough. This year, Neil calmly informed me, bear bags are now required for campers in the national forest where they were going. While I prayed that I wouldn’t lose three family members all at once, the boys seemed unfazed by the threat of bears. Neil promised to be careful and not leave Swedish fish in his pocket this year.
The only complication was that they needed a vehicle to get there. Usually we unload all the stuff from our car into our tent and I hitch rides. This year that felt completely overwhelming, considering the volume of stuff in both the car and the tent. And his brother’s wife had plans to visit a friend that night so she needed their rental car. They decided to rent a car, so she dropped them off at the rental car place using their rental. Rentception for campception!
If you’ve ever road-tripped with kids, you know that the last half hour is meltdown city, no matter how long or short of a trip. This was certainly true on our way home. We stopped half an hour from home to change her diaper at a gas station. She was completely beside herself that we put her back in the car seat. Out of desperation, I handed her a snack-size bag of Doritos, a “toy” she enjoyed one day during vacation. I kept looking back to make sure the bag was still sealed. Then all of a sudden I had a weird noise followed by crying. She’d burst the bag of nacho Doritos and, while she didn’t have any in her mouth, she had some of the powder on her chin and maybe got some on her tongue. She was covered in Doritos crumbs and wouldn’t stop crying even after I gave her water. My older daughter was watching the iPad in the seat next to her and I grabbed it and handed it to the baby in a frenzied attempt to calm her. She did settle down but would not give up the iPad. So the baby was watching TV while covered in Doritos. A proud parenting moment.
We made it home, wiped the Doritos out of the car seat, and I hit a new personal record for number of laundry loads in the two weeks that followed. And as usual we hit the ground running with more projects, which I’ll share soon in our Spring Burbstead update.
Do you have any upcoming travel planned? What are your tips and tricks (or fails) from road tripping?
A trending kids’ pastime is asking “Would you rather?” questions. “Would you rather meet Yoda or Harry Potter?” “Would you rather be able to fly or be invisible?” etc. I’m pretty terrible at whimsy so these might be sub-par examples, but you get the drift.
It strikes me that personal finance is like one big game of would you rather. Would you rather buy lunch out or invest the $1750 per year? Would you rather live in a bigger house or retire earlier? Would you rather by a new car or travel more?
Of course, this is severely over-simplified. The trade-off in each case represents many would-you-rathers. Maybe it’s something more like: Would you rather live in a bigger house, or have a newer car, or retire earlier, or go out to eat every day, or buy new phones or clothes or whatever you’re into, or rack up the debt….the possibilities are almost endless. And the pros and cons for each point may also carry complexity.
But when you actually make a financial decision, the alternatives you’re considering is often fairly finite in the moment. We’re all constantly deciding between spending, saving, and giving. Those are the three main functions of money, and it helps to think in terms of trade-offs between them.
Like the Would You Rather game, there’s often not one right way to do things. While over-spending, consumer debt, and becoming greedy are destructive, many choices boil to preference and priorities. Would you rather buy the bigger home or retire earlier? That’s largely a matter of preference and/or values. And for us, seeking God’s wisdom in big decisions is important.
One problem with Would You Rather when it comes to personal finance is when we can’t see the third option. We easily become blind to one of the three functions of money and fail to consider a whole category. It’s not would you rather A or B, but would you rather A, B, or C?
It’s a constant balancing act, choosing how much of our money to give, save and spend. And there’s no universal formula for it. But if your financial plan is all but missing one of these, or is heavily weighted toward one, you might not be seeing all the options.
It would be exhausting (and impossible) to consider all the possibilities, the would-you-rathers, with each financial choice we make. At the same time, we’ll miss out if we don’t see the options. Because when you don’t see the alternative, you don’t feel like you’re making a choice at all. You think you’re doing what you have to do. Sometimes there’s only one good choice—like paying the electric bill. And sadly there are times when people run out of good options. But for all those gray areas that we encounter daily, let’s try to open our eyes to the trade-offs, the balancing act between spending, saving, and giving.
By balance, I don’t mean to suggest we’re going to get it “right.” But hopefully by thoughtful consideration, we can come to an arrangement that we’re happy with. Weighing these three areas is a helpful way to talk about money if you’re married, and a great lesson in trade-offs for kids.
Just make sure to start it out with “Would you rather…”
What Would You Rather are you considering?
Camping is one of the best ways to vacation for less. Campsites are very affordable, even in beautiful, expensive-to-vacation areas like beach towns. A campsite offers a true room with a view, more space than a hotel room, and lots of fun, free or cheap activities for families right within the camp ground.
Of course there are other ways to vacation cheaply, like travel hacking. And we do some of that. But camping is good for the soul. And it’s especially good for kids.
There is a bit of a learning curve to camping. Here are the tips and tricks I’ve picked up over 16 years of tenting it.
- Grocery pickup: This year, I’m going to do something incredibly un-rugged, and I couldn’t be more stoked about it. I’m doing Walmart grocery pick up for my shopping while on vacation. I think this is a great hack for many travel scenarios. Pluses include: not getting overwhelmed, forgetting a bunch of stuff, and also making unnecessary impulse purchases while trying to shop with three kids and a husband. We’ll save time, and the last thing the kids want to do is go grocery shopping the first day of vacation. While I’m not a huge Walmart fan in general, order pickup is great for these scenarios, and it’s convenient that I can make the order ahead of time, modify it until the night before, and get things like diapers and camp supplies as well.
- Coffee: if you think I’m overzealous about camping, don’t get me started on coffee! I need it so bad, especially while sleeping in a tent with three children! There are lots of ways to make coffee while camping, but the easier, cheapest, and least breakable option for me is this $7 pour-over product. Walmart, give me some of those #2 filters while you’re at it. If you drink it by the pot, go for a percolator (non-electric) or inexpensive coffee maker (for electric sites).
- Glamping: on some trips, we have electricity. And let me tell you, we make good use of it. For these trips, we bring a small, old “hot pot” a.k.a. a simple electric kettle. We use this for all our water boiling needs–for tea, coffee (see above), oatmeal, ramen, and even for heating the baby’s bath water. And it significantly cuts down the amount of propane we use on our camp stove.
- Don’t unpack: We store a camping box or two in our garage, and they’re always stocked with our mobile kitchen, paper products, propane, and other necessities for camping. I also leave little things like a hat, quarters, a deck of cards, a laundry line, a rain poncho, hand warmers, and toilet paper in our duffel bag all year young. These could come in handy on just about any trip so why unpack them?
- Beach supplies: the beach is so much more fun when you’re well prepared. We’ve always brought a beach blanket (just an old ugly comforter that’s handy in our car all year for emergencies, picnics, and beach days). Since having kids, we’ve added this nifty beach umbrella to our stash and it is sooo worth it. It’s great to have a shady place to retreat–especially for pale folk like me and the kids. We also bring a puddle jumper, a basket of cheap beach toys, and a good mini metal shovel for epic sand digging. Lastly, I keep a swim bag with towels, swim suits, sunscreen, and goggles packed all year. It makes getting out the door (or tent) to swim so much easier.
- Meal swap: we often camp with friends, and usually team up with 2-3 other families to take turns making meals. This obviously reserves more vacation time for vacationing rather than cooking, without having to go out to eat. But it’s also great because it streamlines grocery shopping. We don’t need to buy a ton of different ingredients for different meals, only to end up throwing away extras at the end of the week. This high chair is great for trips because it folds up small and fits on any table.
- Packing list: I have a spreadsheet listing all the stuff we need to camp for a week, including grocery items and meal ideas. Though I tweak it from year to year depending on the kids’ ages and needs, it saves time not to start from scratch on my packing list each year.
- Road trip ideas: we download audio books, music, and movies for the kids ahead of time via library apps like Libby and Hoopla, and streaming services like Netflix and Amazon Prime. We also save by packing some snacks and sandwich stuff to augment the fast food stops (because we have to stop at Bojangles on our way south).
- Travel hack hotel stops: on our way back we stop at a hotel that we book using hotel points rewards. You can accumulate these by using credit cards, or if you stay at hotels frequently for work and sign up for a rewards program with a particular chain.
- Excursions: once a year we camp in Florida, and some friends have taken the opportunity to do a less-expensive, one-day Disney visit. It’s not the same thing as an extended stay inside the park, but it scratches the Disney itch while saving massively on accommodations. We have yet to take the Disney plunge, but Neil took our son to Kennedy Space Center last year, and there are plenty of other great tourist options within driving distance.
I hope at least one of these ideas helps you on your next camping trip! Wish us luck on our first trip with three kids, and please share your tips and tricks below!
In a world of Dave Ramseys and Suzy Ormans bossing you about what to do with your money, it’s nice to read a personal finance book that doesn’t make one single practical suggestion about what to do with your money.
It’s nice, and maddening. All at the same time. Paul David Tripp’s 2018 Redeeming Money: How God Reveals and Reorients our Hearts is big-picture, philosophy over practicality. It’s about a book about your relationship with money. And the only to-do takeaway is to consider what money reveals about what your heart truly loves. The intended audience is Christians.
But this isn’t just another Christian money book explaining Bible verses or defining stewardship (although it does). The real thrust is to get you thinking about the gaps between what you believe about money and how you live–and the why behind this breakdown. He looks at this from several angles, including how we spend based on how we view ourselves (identity); how we view this world vs. eternity, and the purpose we’re living for–our glory, or God’s glory.
Tripp breaks identity into four components. He says we’re creatures–not the Creator–and this is why we should view ourselves as stewards, not owners. We’re also sinners living in a fallen world, and this means that the tool of money is used in broken ways, and also that it cannot fix our broken world. He describes this as being sufferers. We can spend on comfort, convenience, and pleasure, but we can’t spend our way out of all suffering. Lastly, we are “saints,” i.e., believers and followers of Jesus can be changed by God’s power to use money in ways that are in line with God’s value and bring Him glory.
My favorite part of this book is how he relates money to satisfaction and eternity. We all want to feel satisfied, happy, content, and this drives much of our over-spending. If we could accept that complete satisfaction will not happen this side of paradise, we may be better able to reign in the spending whilst also investing in God’s eternal kingdom through generous giving.
Though he doesn’t make this connection, this point relates closely to the financial independence/early retirement movement. I’ve thought before about how for those who long for early retirement, what you really want is heaven. You want to be able to do productive, meaningful work with freedom, with ample resources, and without having to worry about significant time restraints. Sounds a lot like eternity to me.
My main critique of the book is that he used over-spending and debt as his examples of misuse of money, without talking nearly as much about the pitfalls of a wealth-building obsession (when that wealth is built but not over-spent). Being miserly, overly focused on saving/investing, or driving too hard toward financial goals such as debt payoff or retirement can be equally dangerous. These could have used more attention, even just as examples and illustrations.
The greatest strength of the book is that he tries to address the underlying problems, rather than just telling you to make a budget, save for emergencies, or invest in index funds. There’s a time and place for both types of advice, but dealing with the underlying issues of the heart will take you a lot further in carrying out practical steps.
Like all Tripp books, he belabors some points with excessive lists of rhetorical questions and redundant sentence structures. It’s annoying in a literary sense, but I keep coming back for more because his content is good. And best of all, he gets grace–hence the title. I like that he makes a play on the word “redeem,” which we use to mean make something useful out of something wasn’t. But it also has a financial sense: purchasing a slave’s freedom. His overarching, hopeful message is that God in his grace can take any person and any financial situation and redeem it if we will surrender our money and our hearts to Him. Maybe that doesn’t look like you get out of debt fast, or you retire when you want. But He can help us stop being enslaved to our longings and the spending (or saving) that comes with them.
What’s the best money book you’ve read lately? What do you believe is the connection between our money and what we love most?
To rent or not to rent a car for a road trip? As our annual 2000-mile road trip/camping vacation approaches, we’ve been crunching the numbers on car rentals.
For most of the last seven years, we’ve rented for the trek as part of our frugal approach to car ownership. We drive older cars and Neil does almost all the maintenance and repairs himself. So we usually rent in order to avoid the wear and tear of such a long journey. It’s a strategic move, carefully calculated to save money in the long run. And of course it doesn’t suck to enjoy a nice, new ride on vacation.
Yet our “new” van feels so luxurious and road-trip-ready, we both felt the itch to bypass renting this year. Reality check: our “new” van is actually 13 years old and has around 150,000 miles. Even if it were brand-new, would it make sense to drive it that far?
Here’s how we see it: if the cost of wear and tear on your vehicle is greater than the cost or renting (or even close), it makes sense to spare your daily ride and rent instead. How can you calculate the cost of wear and tear? The government currently pays $0.58 per mile which includes fuel. Subtract the cost of fuel for your vehicle and you have approximate wear and tear. Or AAA estimates around $0.61 including fuel and insurance.
Our van gets around 22 miles per gallon. If gas costs around $2.20 right now, we’ll spend about $0.10 per mile on fuel, leaving $0.48 per mile of wear and tear. So that’s:
$0.58 – (Price of gas per gallon/miles per gallon) = price of wear and tear per mile.
Multiply that by the total number of miles for your approximate cost of driving your own vehicle.
Or if that seems too rich, take a highly conservative estimate of $0.25 wear and tear per mile. Maybe you won’t spend as much on vehicle maintenance because you DIY. Or maybe your own car gets way better gas mileage than what you’d rent. Even with the more conservative figure, it rarely makes sense to drive your own vehicle on very long trips.
For our van, we’d put somewhere between $500 to $960 worth of wear during a 2,000 trip. We can definitely rent a car for less than $500 for our 10-day trip.
While renting a car sounds like an extra and unnecessary expense, it can really reduce the cost of car ownership throughout the year (and over the life of the vehicle). And if you DIY, you’ll also be spreading out the impact of the time you spend working on your vehicle. Breaking down on a long trip is always inconvenient–but much more so if you’ve got to stop and fix your own vehicle, rather than just swap out one rental for another.
And of course it’s quite a luxury to drive a newer vehicle that’s loaded with features. It makes vacation a little more fun. Plus we enjoy not needing to give it a deep cleaning and oil change immediately upon returning from camping and driving 2000 miles with little kids!
How can you save on the cost of renting? We’ve found that renting an SUV is much less expensive than renting a minivan. Until this year, we’ve fit into an SUV. This year with 3 kids plus camping gear we’ll have to splurge on the minivan rental. But using a Costco discount we were able to rent for $420–still coming in under the conservative estimate of $500 cost of driving our car.
In the past, we’ve saved by cashing in travel rewards from renting cars for work, or collected rental car company coupons throughout the year (also from work). Like so many things, it’s best to shop around, look for coupons or promotions, and book in advance.
Our camping vacation is rather expensive and inefficient in many ways, but our $420 vehicle rental (the most we’ve ever spent) is still cheaper than flying 4 people to our destination. And driving means we can bring all our camping gear, and our camp site cost for the week equals 1-2 nights in a hotel in the same city.
We do hope to be able to fit in an SUV again in a couple years when we’re not bringing a pack n play, stroller, infant carrier, and high chair along. We’ll see if we’re ever able to downsize again!
Have you ever considered renting a car to save money? Do you have any trips coming up?
What was your New Year’s Resolution? Did you break it yet?
I didn’t make any this year, but I do see the value of getting back into healthy habits after eating too many Christmas cookies, staying up late, or spending more than usual during the holidays.
In the same way, we put some of our normal frugal habits on hold surrounding the birth of our third child. There were take-out pizzas and Great Clips haircuts. I bought more convenience grocery items than usual. I bought retail clothes when I didn’t have time to sift through secondhand. We turned up the A/C (it was 95 degrees the week she was born) and used the dryer rather than hanging clothes. Our entertainment spending increased during Neil’s babybatical when he took a month off and treated the older kids to epic fun. And recently when the kids were home sick or for snow days, I enjoyed using Walmart grocery delivery–when free delivery was available, but I still tipped and spent a little more on certain items.
Do I regret any of this? No! But just as it’s easy to keep eating too much sugar well after the holidays have passed, it’s easy to forsake frugal habits forever. Thus a busy time when conveniences are necessary can slide into small-scale lifestyle inflation. And while some increased expenses are par for the course with a growing family, I’ve felt like it’s time to return to some of of our former habits.
Will we retire early by hanging clothes or making homemade yogurt? Hardly. Or budget, let alone future plans, do not rely on the small savings from these tasks. I will gladly abandon them again as needed. But to me there is something healthy and hearty about not losing sight of the types of little tasks that added up to getting out of debt, and getting the investment ball rolling.
Admittedly, I have the time to do some of these things because I’m a STAHM. If I only had a couple hours at home with my kids each day, you better believe I’d spend more on convenience. But if I have the time, and I’m not focusing on career or income right now, it makes sense to save money where I can. It’s also a great way to model throwback thrift for the kids and get them involved. I mean, how many kids know making yogurt or bread is even a possibility?
These habits won’t make us rich, but they do keep us grounded. Viewing small things like a comfy thermostat setting, ordering a pizza, and going on fun outings as luxuries helps calibrate realistic expectations in both us and our kids. When holiday over-spending and over-eating becomes the norm in the new year, it leads to problems. The same can be true of seasons of increased spending if we lose sight of a thriftier lifestyle.
We’ll continue to stay flexible, choosing convenience when that supports our greater values of relationships and following God. And we’ll keep saving big with Neil’s DIY skills, and by avoiding major expenses such as car payments or a big mortgage. I hope these small savings support our overall mindset of avoiding excess, enjoying small luxuries, and building gratitude for the abundance we’ve been blessed with.
What are some frugal habits that you practice? Have you ever
put them on hold for a season?
“Friendship is the soul’s heaven,” according to Bronson Alcott, and it’s also a key to unlocking frugal synergy. Expensive friends certainly exist; they aren’t pretending to be poor and always invite you on expensive outings. Even frugal friends have their costs (weddings!). But a network of friends is invaluable, financially and otherwise, as friends can naturally share talents, time, and possessions with each other. Not to mention the many immaterial beauties of friendship. Here’s how to increase your financial flexibility with frugal friends synergy.
Frugal friends don’t let friends…
Pay for professional services. Don’t worry, I don’t let my friends drill cavities or deliver babies. But there are lots of skills you can trade for or discount among your comrades. For example, Neil took graduation pictures for a number of high school students we knew and charged only a fraction of typical studio costs. More recently, my brother-in-law shared extensive labor and expertise to help Neil DIY a major home repair project. It’s always good to know a mechanic, a computer whiz, a cosmetologist, a pastry chef, a remodeler, and people from any number of other fields since it’s cheaper to enlist a pal’s help than to pay a professional.
Of course you should always show appreciation for your friends’ time. Give a thoughtful gift, buy lunch, or offer your own talents next time they need help. Lending a hand is a great way to inflate your usefulness instead of your lifestyle. When you do need a professional, ask friends for recommendations.
Buy stuff they can borrow. Does every homeowner on earth really need to own a 15-ft extension ladder? Or pick-up truck? We lend and borrow tools, gadgets, and other special-use items among friends regularly. Currently we’re in possession of a friends’ electric smoker. Neil and his buddy even bought a bike tool set to share between them. It just doesn’t make sense for everyone to multiply the cost, storage, and maintenance of special use equipment. Borrowing is a great option to consider before buying used.
My girlfriends and I also lend everyday items like clothing (especially baby and maternity), books, baby gear, and special occasion shoes or accessories. All of the punjabis I’ll wear on my trip to India this summer are on loan as well (thanks!).
Being part of a community also opens opportunities for receiving free or friend-price items. Almost all of our furniture has come through our network of family and friends (and their network of family and friends). With hand-me-downs it helps not to be too picky; remember, life is not about your preferences.
Pay movers. When we moved into our home we didn’t have to rent a truck or hire movers because 25 people showed up to help! I’m sure if we were going farther than eight doors down we might’ve needed a truck. But we’ve always moved for the cost of pizza for our volunteers. And we’ve helped many other friends move. That’s how frugal friend synergy should work.
Pay babysitters. We spent less than $100 total on babysitting during our first four years of parenting, despite leaving the kids with sitters a couple times a week. We are very blessed to have help from family and many trusted volunteers from our church. However, much of the free childcare we’ve received has come through swapping with friends. For example, we have a date-night co-op where we trade off babysitting on Friday evenings. When we do need to hire a sitter, we’re happy to use references from people we know personally. (Update: Three years later, this has changed and we have spent more in this area, but the date night swap is still a great idea for many people.)
Over-spend on entertainment. While it’s fun to go to restaurants or movies with friends sometimes, we’re more likely to invite people over for dinner, a cookout, or a bonfire at our house. Hosting has its costs, but can often be done inexpensively when you shop sales, cook homemade, or ask people to potluck or pitch in toward pizza. Plus hospitality is a habit we’re willing to spend on.
Get lonely. An American epidemic of loneliness is in effect as we work extra hours, shuttle kids to extracurriculars, and zone out in the front of the TV in sheer exhaustion. Instead our family opts for building community. We believe close relationships, along with generosity, are a integral part of a good life so we make them a priority by setting aside several evenings a week for social and church gatherings (these two are often one and the same for us). We aren’t side-hustling during these times, but we also aren’t over-spending on recreational shopping or entertainment.
Whatever your faith or schedule looks like, don’t end up lonely at the top. Make time for friends. A good pal will offer their power tools, sewing services, and a listening ear. It truly pays dividends to have friends.
How have friends helped you save money? Share your examples of frugal friends synergy!
We’ve been chiming in on the trending topic of Financial Independence/Early Retirement (FIRE) here lately. But what if FIRE is the furthest thing from your thoughts? Maybe you’re just making it. Maybe you’re retirement age, but with no end in sight. Or maybe you’re still in college, just trying to get through the semester. No matter what your phase of life or financial situation, you owe it to yourself to think about at least the FI in FIRE.
We’ve critiqued some of the philosophical/theological implications of the phrase “financial independence,” but we can’t argue with the math. We would all love to be as free financially as possible, right? While that might be far from your reality today, there are realistic steps everyone can take to work toward freeing up your finances in the future. Rather than focusing exclusively on the finish line of “financial independence,” we like to think of it as a continuum of increasing freedom, which we call financial flexibility.
The basic recipe for financial flexibility looks like less expenses and more passive income, especially from investments. The less money we need to actively earn via a traditional job/paycheck, the more options we’ll have. More options for taking opportunities that come our way. For changing careers or our reducing workloads. For family, travel, service, and charitable giving. And options for retiring.
Sounds great, but some common misconceptions get in the way of planning for retirement and/or financial flexibility. Are any of these holding you up?
- I’m never going to retire. Not with that attitude, you aren’t! But there are lots of real reasons people feel pessimistic about money. Overwhelming debt or other large financial responsibilities can make us feel like we’ll never dig our way out. Rather than getting defeated by the obstacles, try to focus on what you can do. At the very minimum, strive contribute enough to your retirement account to get your employer’s match. Otherwise, you’re essentially kissing part of your paycheck good-bye. More on next steps under #3.
- The stock market isn’t safe. We don’t believe true “safety” comes from any financial source. But as far as destinations for your retirement savings go, the stock market is where it’s at. While it certainly takes its dips, the roller coaster has steadily trended upward over time, generally at a rate of 7-8%. That’s far better than you’ll get in a savings account–and the only way to beat inflation. And the power of compounding interest really takes off over time.
- Investing is for the wealthy. I used to believe this, not realizing that investing is exactly how “average” people get wealthy. Investing slowly and steadily over the course of 20-30 years can get you where you need to be to retire without doing anything extreme. Start by getting that employer match. Next, work your way up to 15%. Got that down? Then see if you can max out your 401(k) ($19,000 per person per year) and IRAs ($6000).
- You never know what will happen. I used to feel like declaring a big financial plan was unwise because you never know what life will bring. If we set a big goal and didn’t meet it on time due to unforeseen circumstances, this would feel like a failure. Yet life’s unexpected nature is exactly why you should be saving and planning for the future. Yes, sickness, emergency, career change, or other surprises could dramatically modify your financial outlook. So why not be prepared? In addition to investing, get a good life insurance policy for both spouses, and long-term disability insurance.
What can you do today? It all depends on your situation. But everyone should consider the following potential steps toward increasing financial flexibility–and therefore freedom.
- Reduce debt. If you’re still in school, seek alternatives to paying for a portion of tuition, such as scholarships, grant, work-study, and summer/side jobs. And please, don’t take out loans to cover living expenses. When you’re out of school, resist the urge to defer loans unless absolutely necessary. Try to keep living expenses low at least until you’re done paying off those loans. And avoid consumer debt by starting an emergency fund of $1000, and then building it to 3-6 months’ living expenses.
- Spend less. I know it sounds obvious, but the less you spend, the less income you need. At the same time, the more you can invest for the future. You can also spend more on causes you care about, like charitable giving and pursuing dreams like travel, being home to raise kids, or entrepreneurship. There are a million and one ways to cut expenses, and it all depends on what’s worth it to you. Some of the top areas to cut are:
—housing (mortgage/rent no more than 25% of your income; get a roommate)
—transportation (try saving up for an older car vs. taking a loan),
—food (cook at home, pack lunch, pre-game restaurant outings).
- Learn about investing. If the stock market sounds intimidating or confusing, read about it in straightforward books like The Legacy Journey (see appendix) or The Simple Path to Wealth. The thing I love about investing is that we don’t have to spend a lot of time side-hustling to earn future passive income. We can build wealth without additional effort, simply by putting money in low-fee index funds (we use Vanguard) consistently over time.
What are your hang-ups when it comes to planning for retirement? And what step could you take today to invest in your future?