The Hidden Cost of Frugality
It’s been busy, busy, busy on the burbstead. Neil replaced the timing belt & radiator on our new minivan, DIYed a complete bathroom remodel, and replaced two of our hallway doors, with two more to go. He’s also done a many-step process to re-grass our back yard after years of leaving it untreated for the chickens. In addition he’s replaced his car’s muffler and has been sprucing up the station wagon in order to sell it. We canned our delicious cowboy candy (sweet-hot jalapenos) and made lots of garden salsa. And as always, there’s plenty more on the to-do list.
All but the bathroom was done since he returned to work after the baby-batical. All while maintaining his volunteer ministry schedule and raising three kids. Yes, he’s amazing.
But I started feeling that life was getting too frantic.
Whether it’s big-time savings of DIY car and house repairs, or the little every day habits that add up, frugality costs time and effort. The opportunity cost of paying $1300 may be what $1300 makes in the stock market over 30 years. But the opportunity cost of saving $1300 is the time you could have spent otherwise.
Is the answer to give up frugal living and start outsourcing everything? May it never be! We not only like saving money, we also like learning new skills, accomplishing new challenges, and modeling thrift and hard work for our children. But we are learning to how to juggle many balls in new ways now that we have three kids. Here’s how we’re trying to handle the hidden costs of frugality:
- Prioritize. I started resenting my superhero husband for all that time spent under the hood of the car, saving us money, while I rocked a baby in a dark room for a little longer than my sanity could stand. I didn’t want to sound ungrateful or critical. And in my pride, I didn’t want to sound like I needed his help, either. But I finally admitted it and since then we’ve worked together to list and prioritize projects on the burbstead.
- Pace yourself. Along with priorities comes a sense that all is not urgent. While it might be uber-productive to squeeze in an oil change right before putting the kids to bed, it’s not an emergency. Maybe there’s something else that is more important right then. And it might not be the type of thing you’d put on a to-do list. For example, we’ve been prioritizing dates with the big kids now that they’re both in school and sharing our attention with more siblings.
- Pay for convenience (sometimes). We are learning when it makes sense to outsource. We’ve done very little of this since becoming home-owners (or car-owners). But sometimes it’s just not worth the opportunity cost–that time, effort, or sanity. The day before our baby was born, Neil paid for a haircut rather than asking 9-month pregnant me to grind out another task. Thank you! That week also saw the purchase of take-out pizza. Thank you again! On a bigger scale, Neil’s decided to pay someone to paint the new doors once they’re all installed. He did one himself and didn’t like the process or the finished product. And we’re considering paying a lawn care company to treat our front year so that we don’t end up with the same situation we did in the back.
- Plan ahead. In addition to talking through the priorities of various tasks, we’ve also talked about timing/pacing them in a sane manner. It really helps to discuss this before or near the beginning of the weekend, otherwise we run around simultaneously stressed and unfocused, desperately wanting to be productive but unsure what exactly we’re trying to accomplish. And I like knowing what to expect, when possible. These little “schedule meetings” help us support rather than resent one another as we work on our respective projects. Okay, my project is mainly keeping the kids alive. But if I know Neil needs to work on something not kid-friendly, I can plan to keep them out of his hair during that time.
- Press pause. Sometimes you have to power through. For example, Neil couldn’t exactly leave the water off to work on the bathroom for too long. But other times it’s okay to press pause. Know when you’ve come to a good stopping point and then–stop! You’ll accomplish more later if you take time to relate and rest.
- It won’t be perfect. Even though I love the idea of “balance,” I know it will always elude us. We’ll inevitably over-do it sometimes, whether it’s with the social calendar or the honey-do list. Instead of blaming each other or ourselves for these imbalances, we can simply expect them.
All of this adds up to lots of communication. I’m sure that, too, will wax and wane as we learn to manage the hidden cost of frugality–time. Because we certainly don’t want the hidden cost to turn into anything more, like our sanity or our relationships.
How do you decide when to in-source vs. outsource? What other ways do you use to manage your time?
I think it is about striking that balance between frugality and enjoying life without it being overrun with tasks, errands, diy projects, etc. It’s easy to lean too far one way and feel out of wack.
Yes, and we are finding that balancing shifting a bit in this season of life.
Thanks for posting this! There’s actually so much communicating and thinking and communicating more that’s wrapped up in your #1 and #2. And its easy to get frantic, overwhelmed or resentful in those processes. It’s cool to hear the ways you guys function as a team.
Also, I definitely learned the importance and benefit of a schedule meeting from you guys! Such a simple idea, but really so helpful in communication!
I am finding that we have to talk about scheduling even the simplest of things as we get busier!
Tell me more about cowboy candy.
Here’s the recipe. Sweet-hot jalapenos that are awesome on tacos and just about everything.
It also helps to realize that priorities will change over time. The things that are urgent with toddlers are different from the things that are urgent with teens. One change is, when your kids are elementary age, it’s worth paying for the Kids Cook Real Food online classes. https://kidscookrealfood.com I’m not associated with that program; I just wish it was available when I was a parent of that age.
Sounds very cool. We are all about helping them become independent.
Amen to this! We, of course, are dealing with our history of swinging too far in the spendy direction – but I’m as happy for you in your decision to outsource a bit of painting and yard work as I am for us in our persistence in in-sourcing the house-cleaning.Different kinds of challenges – different kinds of victory. I’m especially proud of you for this: “And in my pride, I didn’t want to sound like I needed his help, either. But I finally admitted it.” Good for you! That was a tough one, and you chose well.
Thanks, Ruth. It was hard!
In my Opinion, everyone should definitely find cheaper ways to spend their precious money. Frugality is not a negative thing I love to find cheap things but if you put more effort or time instead of spending extra dollars, Your effort is worth it. I love DIY ideas for home and I usually try to find a discount or cheap stuff while I’m shopping.
The hidden benefit of frugality is you learn new valuable skills when you do a diy project. Your husband can now change a timing belt. He could now do it again next time if needed or even help a neighbour with his possible for a little extra $$$$.
Indeed; we had a post on this very topic that made it onto Lifehacker.
Would you have the link to that Lifehacker article?